A memorable eulogy blends heartfelt stories, deep respect, and compassion for those who grieve.
This month is a month of transitions for me: selling our home of 32 years, moving to a new home and city, and lastly but not least, the passing of my mom. The passing of my mom was not totally unexpected; however, I fell into the trap of thinking there was more time to ask questions and engage in meaningful conversations. My lesson here – don’t wait. You have less time than you might think you have.
As the speaker of the family, I was asked to deliver the eulogy at her service. I did this for my father 13 years ago. For me, this is the hardest speech to write and deliver because it is so personal and emotional. I was able to pull it off at my father’s funeral, and I delivered again for my mom. If you are ever in this situation where you are asked to deliver a eulogy, I offer these best practices.
A well-crafted, memorable eulogy balances heartfelt storytelling, respect for the deceased, and consideration for the grieving audience. Because this needs to be crafted within a short amount of time, I am sharing my practices from both of my experiences.
How to write and deliver a heartfelt eulogy:
1. Start with Purpose and Perspective
The purpose of a eulogy is to unify your audience and share your perspective of the person you are eulogizing. This isn’t their biography; it’s about your remembrance of them, or how (if you had the opportunity to ask them before they passed) they want to be remembered.
2. Gather Stories and Memories
As family members and friends called, texted, or emailed their condolences, I thanked them and responded with asking them a question about what they remembered most about my mom.
Sometimes I would ask them to describe my mom in just one word, give me a quote they would always hear her say, or tell me a story about her character. This helped me to develop a theme for the eulogy.
I began to see a thread that ran through the anecdotes that family and friends offered, and finally settled on the 3 words I heard most often: faith, family, and independence.
3. Create a Clear Structure
As with all speeches, a clear structure works best for remembering what you want to say and for your audience to follow you.
My structure included an opening, the 3 characteristics she was best known for and anecdotes and stories to support those 3 characteristics, my personal reflection on her life, and the closing.
I also chose to incorporate a little bit of humor in my remarks as gentle humor adds levity to this somber and solemn event.
4. Practice Your Delivery
I remember with my dad’s eulogy, I could barely get through a practice session without sobbing. This time (perhaps because I have done this before), it’s a bit easier to practice.
And do practice out loud! This will help to ensure your rate of speech is good, not too fast, and your speech is fluid.
Eulogies are typically short – you want to keep your audience’s attention yet be long enough to be meaningful. Anywhere from 3 – 5 minutes is plenty of time to deliver your message.
5. Delivery
When it comes time to deliver, take a deep breath and express yourself with sincerity and authenticity. Be conversational and pause when you are feeling very emotional. Have a tissue handy – just in case!
6. End with Comfort and Connection
Close with gratitude, hope, and/or a loving sentiment. Ending on a positive note leaves your audience with a sense of your loved one’s highest values, their contribution to making the world a better place, and the impact they had on you and others around them.
A Loving Tribute
Although this is not the easiest type of speech to deliver, in my opinion, it is one of the most fulfilling. And in the case of my mom, it was a tribute to a life well lived.
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