Change Starts With Conversation
Having been certified as a Conversational Intelligence coach last year, one of the core beliefs promoted by its founder, Judith Glaser, is that changing anything starts with a conversation. The challenge becomes how to start and facilitate those conversations. The ability to effectively connect starts with being open to change. How we connect with others makes change positive and possible. And it is going to take all of us to journey on this road together.
Listen. The first and often the most crucial step in any conversation or communication is listening. Listening to others validates who they are and gives them a voice. Nothing changes without first listening for understanding. How often do we listen just to respond? Do we listen to what is NOT said in the conversation? Do we come to the conversation with curiosity? With an open desire to learn from whom we are speaking with? Resist the temptation to jump in with your point of view, and instead acknowledge what you have heard.
Inquiry. We learn by asking questions. Another core tenet of Conversational Intelligence is to ask questions for which we have no answers. A good question opens the door to discovery and deeper understanding and a deeper connection. A good resource on asking good questions is this book from Amazon.
Reflection. Having spent the past few weeks in a learning and reflective mode, I’ve seen a connection with oppression and status. Based on work developed by David Rock, Co-founder of the NeuroLeadership Institute, we are innately driven towards acquiring status. Higher status is often equated with more resources (money and power). Coupled with behavioral psychology, which has shown that we are more averse to loss than gain, is it any wonder that those who are in positions of high status (and power) are reluctant to their perceived loss of status that comes from change that would result in a loss of status?
Act. Now is a time for action. Over the past week, I have initiated conversations with people of color in my network. Bold action for social change will take all of us to get involved. As the quote from John Heywood goes, “Many hands makes light work.” I will lend my efforts and commitment to those who are challenged with finding the right words, the best delivery, to make their voices heard. The hope that is infused in our efforts, no doubt, will result in change that is bigger than any of us alone.