Using this powerful tool when faced with perceived negative situations will help turn negative feedback into gratitude.
According to neuroscientists, our brains are evolutionarily hard-wired to remember the negative rather than the positive. It’s one of our defense mechanisms to protect us against threats and keep us alive. It’s called our negativity bias.
That is why when I receive feedback from a speaking engagement and out of 99 positive remarks on how helpful or engaging the presentation was, the one negative review will stay stuck in my head.
Has this ever happened to you?
That is why I love the phrase that was created by Second City’s Applied Improvisation team, “Thank you, because…”. “Thank you, because…” is similar to a “yes, and…” approach, yet is more suited for situations where negativity can quickly erode a situation into further negativity.
“Thank you, because…” can be a powerful tool in various situations. Here are some potential use cases and benefits:
3 ways the “Thank you, because…” approach encourages gratitude:
1. Receiving Feedback.
When receiving negative or “constructive” feedback, instead of putting up blocks and becoming defensive about the feedback you have received, thank the giver of the feedback for their contributions to helping you improve.
Including your reasoning for your gratitude can make their feedback more palatable and improve the awkwardness within the relationship (especially if it was your boss who delivered the negative feedback).
For example, if you received feedback that your presentation did not land well with your audience, your response could be, “Thank you, because I will better research my audience so that my message lands the next time I present.”
2. Resolving Conflict.
A “thank you, because…” approach can help individuals and groups diffuse negative emotions, navigate challenging conversations, foster greater understanding, and open up a dialogue in situations when there are opposing views or perspectives.
An example might be, “Thank you because I had not seen the situation from your perspective” or “Thank you because I now have a better understanding of your perspective.”
3. Fostering Collaboration.
Similar to a “yes, and…” approach, “thank you because…” creates an environment of inclusion and appreciation for differences among people.
Reframe the Dialogue
Acknowledging and appreciating each member’s contributions with “Thank you because…” encourages and motivates continued contributions.
And it may be helpful around Thanksgiving when your uncle on the other side of the table starts talking politics.
What methods do you use to turn negativity into gratitude? Please share your wisdom with us in the comments.
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